Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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