Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
