come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
