Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
