my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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