By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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