don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
