I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
