get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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