Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i think i just lost a toe
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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