I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize