you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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