I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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