I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
