Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
