call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
