dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
