My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
