Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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