It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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