I want to stick my p in your. b.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
