i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
