Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
