Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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