she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my being single is dangerous.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
