Don't make out with my wife yet
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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