Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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