i don't like sucking hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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