I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
