YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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