I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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