i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
