just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
