a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
