Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
