she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
