I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
