Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
