Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
