haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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