Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
