My brain says no but my pants say off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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