Umm I'm too high to move.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
