Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
