Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
