Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
