Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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