Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
