Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
