Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
