How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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