just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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