well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
