i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
