Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do vagina's smell?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
