i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize