I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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