do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
