Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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