there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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