I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
