She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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