Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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