AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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