3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
