My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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