her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
