and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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