the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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