Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
