you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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