dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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