i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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