When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
