And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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