I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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