help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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