how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
