singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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