Your dad touched me again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
