When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
