You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
this hospital has no fireball
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
